Well, this just figures. Once again, the slave of the world has to make all the posts in this series. I may have to resubmit my request for $80,000...or else I am outta here...and you know the rest. Anyway, you know the deal. What are some of my better quips, quotes, and the like? I know I have spewed a lot of inane blather over the years, but I have come up with at least one or two good lines in that time.
So, fire away at me. And, "a belt?!!!" doesn't count, only because I already took it.
Coming soon...we'll go into our offspring. I can think of a bunch for Maria off the top of my head.
Christmas 1968
"Hey Paul, I'm dancing just like Will Smith in Hitch! And he's not even born yet!"
6 comments:
POP. (Only funny if you heard Mike actually say it...)
Bird.
Another favorite: Picture this. It's probably like 1986 or so. We're playing Monopoly. Mike is the banker. Connie is apparently not moving quickly enough for Mike, who reaches over and helps himself to her Monopoly cash. Connie says, "Mike, what are you doing?" and Mike replies,
"I'm taking your money. What does it look like I'm doing?"
I refuse to answer this question, goddamit! Love, Mike
I just think you're the slave of the world.
Not so much a Mike-ism as a memory: gauging your relative worth by whether you were a freeway or a drainage ditch in Mike City.
Mike: Hello?
Andy Cummings: Get your brother Pat on the phone, Michael.
Mike: Uh-huh.
Andy Cummings: Get your brother on the phone, you dumb little shit!
Mike: Uh-huh, okay then, bye!
(Click. Lather, rinse, repeat)
Mike was a major impediment to Pat's social life for much of the early 1980s that way.
Darryl Hannah and Daryl Gates. You had to be there, but if you were you'll not soon forget it.
I may have to revisit this one. Lotsa material.
Marge, it was not Monopoly...it was Life.
One of my favorites was when I was with Marge sitting at the Hooters in Madison a few years ago. I think we were meeting Butcher and some others there, but they hadn't arrived yet. Anyway, "Into Something Good" by Herman's Hermits played in the background. I changed the lyrics a bit, and made it a bit darker. I did this on the fly.
"I want to hold and she slapped my hand,
I knew it wouldn't even be a one-night stand,
But I asked to see her next week and she told me to die,
Something tells me my ass is gonna fry."
I can't listen to that song anymore without thinking and laughing at my changed lyrics. I bet Marge can't either.
"Arghhh!" "I'm the slave of the world!"
Mike, all she did was ask you to pick up your clothes!
One time Mike had an enlightening conversation with my friend Mike Orgeman regarding Charities. Mike Heuring told Mike O that the only legitimate Charities were USA for Africa, and Hands Across America. Mike was undeterred about his stance after Mike O pointed out that Hands Across America was really just an event.
In my defense, Hands Across America was supposed to be for charity. But, apparently my argument that it was legitimate was pretty much crap.
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