Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Economic stress brings out the "best" in us?

I read with glee the article at MSNBC.com where so-called "spelling snobs" are more likely to voice their irritation now that the economy stinks. The members of the most grammatically correct family ever must unite or perhaps reunite on this auspicious news.

I think it is true. Case in point: the President and COO of my recent former employer was notoriously lousy at spelling. Even with spell checks and attempts to put speedbumps in front of his public presentations, the errors remained often enough. The funny thing is that it had never really bothered me but now I wonder. What sort of half-wit can't remember which to choose among there, they're, or their. It's just not that (Thanks, Ms. Centen) difficult.

You see? Our current economic downturn nets fanatical grammatical cantankerousness. At least we are not alone as a family. In the same article referenced above The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks collects photographic examples of its topic. AHHHH the shining slivers of sanity are all that pull us through these difficult times.

Oh, and by the way the e references to pie (not pi) all belong to me thank you very much. And they should all have been lower case and from now on they had better darned well be in italics!

Whew! Wish me well in my job search, won't you please?

Monday, December 1, 2008


Just seeing if anyone is paying attention....

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Well, this just figures. Once again, the slave of the world has to make all the posts in this series. I may have to resubmit my request for $80,000...or else I am outta here...and you know the rest. Anyway, you know the deal. What are some of my better quips, quotes, and the like? I know I have spewed a lot of inane blather over the years, but I have come up with at least one or two good lines in that time.

So, fire away at me. And, "a belt?!!!" doesn't count, only because I already took it.

Coming soon...we'll go into our offspring. I can think of a bunch for Maria off the top of my head.

Sunday, June 22, 2008


Now we come to Margaret. Marge is the most educated of us. She has a law degree and works for DPI, so she is using her law degree for good. She is an accomplished artist. She is a great singer. She was an excellent actor. Why, she even was better than horrible at shot-put back in middle school. But, sometimes Marge has been....hmm, how do I put this....less than graceful. Knocking over drinking glasses, losing her glasses in the Puget Sound (I think they are in the picture above), and so on.

OK, so let's have some Marge-isms. Marge, keep in mind that even if some of these end up being too harsh, you can't threaten to call the Kimberly police anymore. It's the Fox Valley Metro Police Department.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


Carol is next. Carol and I just spent several days traveling and hanging out in Colorado (which is another post), so we talked about this a little bit. Carol said that Dad said that she was a very nice girl, but has a mean streak a mile wide. Carol is unbelievably funny, possibly the funniest of us. I think that both of these sentiments are encapsulated in her response to the statement that Marge was like a flower. The response: "Smell her once."

So, let's have some Carol-isms!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Now we come to Paul. Paul is known for preferring doctors who share his first name, as well as enjoying large slices of E. He knows the difficulties inherent in being a birdie...because he just knows. But, sometimes he needs a little relief. So, to finally honor the request he made to Marge lo these many years ago, here you go. Some Pepto-Bismol and a big spoon.

OK, folks, it's time for some more of your favorite Paul-isms. Don't worry, if he really gets hurt, he can always fall back on the fortune he is making in his double life as a car dealer in Hobart, Indiana. Paul, a little advice....if you are going to lead a double life, you may not want to use the same name in both of them.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


I got news for you guys...this series is going to continue. Now, we turn to Pat. Pat usually is good for about 550 good one-liners per day. The trick is to remember the best of them. The first one to pop to mind:

"God bless us all, I'm loaded." Now, if that isn't the Heuring/Collar Christmas in a nutshell, I don't know what is.

However, I don't know any good childhood ones for him. See, as I recall Pat usually relays the good one-liner stories, so we don't necessarily get to hear about his 854,224 times like we do with the rest of us.

So, fire away.